Prolonging the pain enough just to feel something for once. If everything is not so epic will life be just a series of mundane episodes one after another?
I am not sure if I can bear this much longer.
Adulthood creeps in ever so unceremoniously and I am not getting any younger.
I am simply too old for this Mickey Mouse bullshit…..
Buses to Bangkok but all I can think about are wheat fields with crows. Youth is passing me by. All I do is shove my fist against my teeth to stifle a scream born out of a knowing sense that certain things may not actually improve my lot in life….
Eyes closed. Mouth agape. We wonder why our chances are so few and far between for love between two sarcastic people.
Never too serious.
Never too truthful.
Always trying to be oh so clever!
Without admitting that we are both scared..
..because relationships are scary.
They are downright fucking frightening.
Relationships are scary because Paulie Bruce said so
And I have no reason not to believe him.
They are filled with fear and misguided intentions. Two people scared of liking each other so much that they think are spending too much time with the wrong person.
What does it feel like?
What it does it fucking feel like to be in love?
Maybe I got it all wrong in my late twenties to think I could have had it all figured out by now
Real people fight about real shit. Things that actually matter.
Others are just putting words into their mouths when they just want to put their tongues, names, feelings, and dreams in each other.
Why do we fight?
After all it isn’t the years it's the mileage like Indiana Jones said to me once.
My ideal mate may never exist:
Someone who wears custom Doc Martens and Clarks Wallabies.
A woman who spins roots reggae because she understands it inherently, not to exploit it.
A female who sifts through crates of vinyl in record shops and drinks Red Stripe lager.
A person with a skeptical and discriminating ear for any hip-hop made after 1996.
A chick who can throw down on the dance floor something serious.
A girl with an overt leftist political stance
An individual who doesn’t mind the occasional indie rock show that is a pain in the ass to score tickets for.
A bird who will want to learn other languages for the sake of learning them.
I always wanted to date a girl who actually knew who Joe Strummer was.
But I am tired of the fantasy…
the Rob Fleming in me is in the Rob Gordon in me except that I still listen to Tina Turner records wondering how her Buddhism calmed her down…
If my life were a novel no one would ever read it
It looks like it time to re-invent myself again…
- cousin, 25.12.08